Dear Students:
Moshe Feldenkrais told a story about a woman he taught over a long period of time who had a deep realization during a lesson. I will call her “Kate” so I can explain this narrative more easily. He explained that Kate was a famous actress and had a wonderful life in every respect yet she always had a feeling in the back of her mind that she “didn’t have a right to be happy”. One day after a session, Kate told Moshe that she became aware of “not being desired” while she was inside the womb.
Kate went on to ask her mother about her memory. Her mother confessed that she became pregnant with her out of wedlock to a man other than the father that raised her. She then acknowledged that Kate’s sensation was correct because she had wished that she would have a miscarriage to get out of her situation. Moshe said that due to this confirmation, Kate became relieved of the troubled feeling she had carried with her for over 50 years. (Moshe Feldenkrais during a New York Public workshop, 1981)
Dr. Feldenkrais did not give anymore details about Kate’s process so I decided to elaborate on what I believe happened. Since she had been working with Moshe for quite some time, it is evident that she was letting go of suppressed emotions along the way which enabled her to get to the original cause of the ever present feeling she was living with. Kate most likely cried tears of sadness, when she allowed herself to fully feel what it was like to not be wanted. Every time she felt her grief the hovering feeling inside her loosened it’s grip until she didn’t sense it any longer.
If I could draw a picture to represent the way a human being stores repressed emotions it would look like the layers of an onion. On the outer surfaces are emotions such as rage, anger, fear & terror. These hot & cold emotions can be directed more easily towards people you have no relationship with, such as a politician or a celebrity. Each layer of emotions towards the center are harder to access because they are more painful to feel like the ones when someone close to you harms you or when you do a wrong to another. This is why childhood family wounds are stored closest to the core.
An example of an Emotional Onion from the outer surface to the center:
Rage, Anger/Apathy ~ Fear, Terror ~ Shame ~ Guilt ~ Heart ache ~ Jealousy ~ Loneliness ~ Remorse ~ Repentance ~ Sadness ~ Grief
To view a comprehensive list of emotions click here.
The way to let go of emotional injuries is to fully experience them without acting upon them. When an e-motion comes up stop & feel it instead of distracting yourself with addictions or by trying to control people, places or things. This means sensing the emotion completely in a private space without projecting it towards another. To help get the trapped energy out of your body punch a pillow, run in place or lie down and let your body shake. A daily practice of this can help you awaken forgotten memories that you can then attend to. As you let go of your anguish, the relationship to yourself & others can become more loving & kind with less thought & effort on your part.
If you want to start peeling your emotional onion, I suggest to let whatever is right in front of you stir up your e-motions such as a person in the headline news, your boss or the dirty dishes in the sink. For more details about how to go about this process visit the posts I wrote in 2022 called: Energy in Motion, Parts 1-9. Peace to all on Earth!
~Donna
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