From Guilt to Remorse

Part 8 of 9: Energy in Motion

Dear Students:
Last month, I helped a few students comprehend that what lies beyond their guilty feelings are healing emotions.  I decided since I did not make this clear in other blog-posts, to highlight some thoughts on this subject, today.

From reading the Energy In Motion, series of posts, one pupil deeply understood why she did not want to get stuck in shame, fear, self-loathing & anger.  Yet she could not shake the idea that if everyone felt guilty about their unkind actions, we of society would stop relating to one another & the environment in such unloving ways. 

I explained in a conversation, that “guilt” could be a catalyst that leads one to find “empathy” along the way to “remorse”.  And that compassionate & remorseful people can create a better world. The problem is, most persons become paralyzed and don’t explore the reasons & root causes behind why they are feeling guilty.

Then I described how each one of us has the power to alter humanity’s plight, and that is when something clicked for the thoughtful woman before me.  I elaborated saying, if she fully embodied what it felt like to be hurt by a friend, neighbor or foe, she inherently would not want to mistreat others that way.  Also, if she engaged in the process of remorse for any harm she caused another, she would naturally starve her desire to repeat such trespasses.  As a result, she could organically become more empathetic & her demeanor could influence the folks that surrounded her.

Another individual, received clarity when I stated that a good way to know when an emotion does not serve human-kind is when it can be used to manipulate & control people.  A light went off for him, when he realized guilt-trips fit into this category.  I suggested for him to discover what his guilty feelings cover up, so he could experience sadness, grief, remorse, compassion, & humility to enhance his healing.

A third inquisitor had a visceral reaction when I described that the internal sensations created by “guilt”, could easily overwhelm him to the extent of him only wanting to relieve his pain.  He might base his actions on this self-centered emotion, which would not encourage him to rectify or even consider what the person he wounded endured.

Example 1 - Joe stuck in Guilt:  Joe verbally berates his wife, Suzie whenever she annoys him.  After his tantrums, “guilt” builds up inside of Joe, until he finally apologizes.  Joe’s insincere apologies sound something like, “I feel awful, please forgive me.” When Suzie grants him forgiveness, Joe’s misery is immediately relieved.  Eventually, Suzie irritates Joe again, & he reactively humiliates her, once more.  Afterwards, Joe’s “guilt” returns & he apologizes and the cycle continues - maybe for a lifetime.

Because Joe does not look further than the surface of his distracting emotions, he never entertains what it is like for Suzie when he torments her.  Over time, she learns to take his apologies lightly.

Example 2 - Kate moves through Guilt to Remorse:  Kate ridicules her husband, Bob whenever he triggers a childhood trauma within her.  After spewing a tirade of insults at him, Kate justifies her abuse & goes to work.

Later when she has time alone, Kate reflects back on her day and regrets how she treated Bob.  She decides to sit with her emotions.  She does an experiment & asks the Creator’s divine truth & love to come to her regarding her horrible actions. Soon she remembers that her mother used to scream at her similarly when she was growing up.  As she recalls the memories, she becomes furious and senses that it will take awhile to digest everything.  She stays with her anger as long as she can and then goes on with her evening.

Each night, Kate takes time to work through her feelings & discovers what she has suppressed inside herself.  Painful & belittling feelings that resulted from the parental scorn surface during the weeknights & she ultimately is able to cry about it.   
 
One evening, Kate shamefully realizes her relationship with her spouse is very much like her relationship with her mother.  As she lets herself sense what cuts her heart, she begins to feel empathy for Bob.  Then she humbly becomes aware that her mom learned her bad behavior from her parents.  As Kate watches the generational cycle revealing itself she desires to be the one in her family to stop it.

Next, Kate feels that she needs to forgive her mom & work through her self-loathing as she swore she would never do to anyone what was done to her. Kate then is able to focus on how damaging her rants towards Bob must be for him. As a result, she finds out that when Bob pushes her buttons, it has little to do with him. On the day that Kate internally feels love for herself, husband & mother she notices she is spontaneously able to be kinder to them.

If Kate continues her forgiveness & repentance process throughout her life, her sensitivity will increase.  She could develop the intuition to sense when she is capable of giving genuine apologies to her loved ones & gracefully carry it out. Depending upon her dedication to growing & healing, this could take her months, years or decades to achieve.

I believe with one person at a time coming into balance with the laws of love through wholistic healing, we can create a “collective empathetic thought“ that can transform our society.  May you support all souls in the universe by striving to become a contagiously compassionate human-being. Peace!
~Donna